Instead, You Found Love
by Black Silken Rose
Summary: It was always going to be a subject of misunderstanding- how could it not? Kurama watches Hiei's fight with Mukuro, and takes it as the end of their partnership. HieiXKurama, angst to fluff.


Another HieiXKurama!

Not too happy with this one; my excuse for Kurama being somewhat OOC is that he's exhausted, both mentally and physically, from the battle with Shigure and what it meant to him. That said, it may just be _my_ exhaustion. Perhaps one day this will see a re-write, but the overall idea is still sound, I think.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or the characters portrayed below (or above, or around, or anywhere within this dimension).

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He wasn't sure what transpired between them in his months of captivity, but he was sure that this was its culmination.

When Hiei had made his intentions of seeking out the bandaged king known, Kurama had needed assurance that he wasn't forsaking their partnership. He had given it willingly, unknowing that each of their stakes in the yet unplanned tournament would be their own. Kurama's involvement, he knew, was entirely coerced: it only made sense that he inserted himself in the other's kingdom as a strategic move. What had actually occurred was beyond any of their expectations.

But then, something hadn't sat well with him from the very beginning.

It seemed only fitting, in retrospect, the order of the fights. When it was happening, he had lacked the knowledge of its significance beyond his own goal to transcend his demon body. Shigure had been an enemy, one of Mukuro's elite team yes, but nothing really more. The upcoming lineup seemed merely a twist of fate, his companion fighting his new sovereign; he had been too busy looking ahead to Yusuke's match with Yomi. Surely, he couldn't be blamed: they all feared what the blind king could do if he was successful.

Honestly, he had been preoccupied. His capture had begun the instance Yomi's message painted the wall before him; everything he had grown to love was at stake from that moment on. It was only with a sudden sense of panic that he had turned to question the fire demon, hoping that the pleading he could not voice was recognized when asking where his loyalties lay. Hiei had scoffed at this, as if it should have been obvious, and that had been all the reassurance he needed to push the thoughts aside and turn his focus inward.

Perhaps he really was a fool.

Once his fight was finished, his life barely his own, he turned his thoughts toward the fire demon. It took all of his energy to stay conscious (it had taken both Jin and Touya to keep him upright), but it was worth it to see Hiei fight. They had barely spoken since the beginning of the tournament, the threat of a clash between kings still very clear, but if there was anywhere he could understand Hiei, it was in his fighting.

His heart shattered when he realized just how much was being communicated on the battlefield. That none of it was between them.

The kitsune was hard pressed to find a battle that injured him more than the one he was watching. The light in his eyes died the moment Hiei called out the dragon, knowing that even if it _did_ succeed in defeating the woman it charged against that there was something infinitely deeper in its meaning. Intimate. When Mukuro tore through it, he knew that Hiei would concede. When her chains broke, he felt his stomach twist, bile rising to his mouth. He hated how he understood.

"Well done."

Only when his companion collapsed in her arms did he look away, his shoulders slumping around those who carried him, head hanging low. Distantly, he heard friends calling his name, but settled for ignoring them in favor of unconsciousness.

It was a number of hours later when he woke, surrounded by the innocuous white walls of some medical facility on site, utterly and completely alone. An oppressive loneliness hung in the air as memories from the day clung to his tired mind, a whispering reminder of what he had missed while under Yomi's control. He allowed himself a silent moment of reprieve before sitting up and pulling the iv from his arm, slowly slipping his shoes onto his bare feet. Yusuke's fight would be starting in a few hours. Until then, he'd take to the surrounding woods for healing among the trees.

He slipped away without anyone taking notice; not that there was anyone looking. All eyes were on the kings in the crowd. His route was quick and direct, taking him into the thick cover of greens and browns without needing much thought. It was about a quarter of a mile before he let himself slump down against a tree trunk, the soft moss cushioning him as he landed on the earth below. Breathing in slowly, his eyes closed. His head fell back against the soft bark behind him, and he dove into his own mind.

This was the second time he had lost a lover he truly cared for, but it was only the first that he had been left willingly.

His chest ached with a pain both familiar and completely foreign as it hit him, the reality of his solitary state. The first loss he had faced was a lifetime ago, though he never really had any time to confront it, what with his disappearance directly thereafter. This though, alone in the woods, with friends who had left him injured and in the care of demons he did not know, facing the possibility that the life he had spent so much to protect could be pulled out from under him in just a few days: this was inherently different. This was betrayal. Worse yet, this was replacement.

He hadn't been there for it. He had been too wrapped up in his own situation, too deterred from contact by the threat a known alliance could pose, too on edge to worry about where he and the fire demon stood. He knew that Hiei went to Mukuro with more than a desire to infiltrate; it was clear he was looking for something, though the fox had doubted Hiei really knew what it was at first. It had only taken a smug smirk from the fire demon to lull Kurama into complacency, to effectively give him permission to look for a lover more suited than he. And at the time Kurama was too concerned with himself to realize what he had done. If anything, he was the one to blame.

It turned his stomach to think what Hiei might think of him now. Had he been planning this from the start? How long had he been dissatisfied? Kurama couldn't put his finger on it. He had been happy, he had thought they were happy. Even so, their relationship had been nebulous; it was only a matter of time before one of them broke free, only a matter of naiveté that Kurama had not seen that as an option.

His fists clenched and unclenched at his sides, the reaction coming without his will for it to. He should never have let him go; how could he have not seen how dangerous it was for him to enter the realm of a king that they had never even seen the face of? It was suspicious at best how he had been contacted, no prelude of a past partnership or hidden relation, simply curiosity. Clearly Mukuro had done her homework on him; why had it not occurred to the kitsune to do the same? He wanted to curse his own stupidity. Of course they had bonded; it had been obvious to anyone with half a brain that she had taken an interest to him, and she had even gone so far as to say that in her message. A lump got caught in his throat at the prospects of returning to a home without the possibility of a knock at his window. If he even would be allowed to return home, at this point.

"You did better than I did." A voice broke through his thoughts, causing Kurama to jump. He hadn't sensed the approach of energy, a combination of its familiarity and his exhaustion most likely the culprit. The fire demon was a few feet away, looking down at him with his usual sulking expression, arms crossed over his chest. "Against Shigure. Though I could hardly call that fight fair."

Kurama clenched his eyes shut for a second, evening his breath and relaxing his fingers from their curled position. It was a moment before he schooled his face into an expression that mimicked the calm he sought, opening his eyes only when he thought they would betray nothing.

"The judges didn't seem to have a problem with it. Neither did Shigure, it seems fair to point out." His voice lacked the usual intonation, the amusement that would usually be there falling flat. Hiei's eyes crinkled slightly at this, but he let it pass; the fox was surely exhausted after all.

"How many more centuries old seeds do you have hidden around Makai?"

"None, it seems" he replied, his voice falling to just above a whisper, eyes downcast. He caught himself, though, adding with a smile that barely touched his lips, "Not around here, at least."

The air was thick with a tension that neither of them meant to add to, a stalemate forming as silence fell between them. Kurama let his eyes closed, preferring blindness to facing the youkai. It seemed like such a trite thing, to seek out his company after such an obvious show of another's affection. He could feel the red of the other's eyes burning him. Despite this, he kept himself composed.

"Yusuke will be fighting soon enough. Perhaps you should advise him before then." This time it was Hiei's voice which was off, his words seeming out of character in their carefulness. Kurama sighed, knowing that nothing more would come of his silence.

"I have nothing to say that could help him, Hiei. He's outmatched, and knows it. All we can do is leave it to fate." There was a slight bite to his words, one that he did not intend.

When no reply came Kurama opened his eyes, looking up to see a hand extended toward him, its owner closer than he had been before. The kitsune gazed up at him blankly, his eyes disturbingly distant. He sighed almost imperceptibly as he stood, ignoring the gesture from his companion and walking past him instead.

"Then what is it that you have to say to me, Kurama?" The kitsune turned to contradict him dryly, but Hiei continued before giving him the chance. "It may be a long time since I've seen you, but that doesn't mean I can't tell when something's weighing on your mind. Spit it out; it's doing no good going unspoken."

Kurama eyed him warily, considering how ineffective it would be to try and steer himself away without answering. Hiei's eyes narrowed, knowing what he was thinking, and telling him that it would be entirely useless. Clear surprise was written in those same eyes when the kitsune did speak, his face showing that he had expected something along a different school of thought.

"You had ulterior motives, when you first went to Mukuro." It was not a question; there was no room for debate. In that moment, Hiei's face hardened, his shoulders filling with a tension that they had not held before.

"Yes."

A Makai bird ruffled some branches overhead, the sound reverberating through the trees. The kitsune used the break in conversation to look away, as if seeking the origin of the noise.

"What did you go looking to find?" It was said softly, his voice not able to hold the volume it deserved. He didn't see so much as feel Hiei shift, his fingers grazing the hilt of his sword in unconscious response.

"A noble death." Kurama's eyes shot over at this, narrow and questioning. He was taken aback by the look Hiei wore, hard but open, as if it were he who had something to say. It almost softened the kitsune, beginning to bring him a sort of ease when he realized that it was the same face he had worn just hours before. Instead of speaking softly, he let out a bitter laugh.

"Yet, instead you found love." He was bristling, the anger he felt returning forthright and finding its way into his stance. Hiei's eyes flashed quickly at the tone, but whatever emotion that colored them was soon replaced with the same features as before, the ones that had caused the outburst of laughter to begin with.

"I did."

"How poetic."

"You're…mocking me?" Kurama calmed enough to glare coolly at his companion. It was him who opened the other up to the idea of love; that didn't mean he wished to know what he was being told about it.

"No, Hiei." His eyes flicked to the path he had taken into the woods. Escape was usually Hiei's motif, but since compassion was Kurama's, it only seemed fit that the trade was equal. "You should leave me be; I'm too wounded by the fact that she could teach you something I could not to appreciate whatever you're trying to tell me."

His steps away were foiled by the fire demon's own movements toward him. A silent alarm went off in the kitsune's mind, a similar feeling to being backed in a corner creeping up on him as the fire demon staked forward. He cursed internally; it would have been better to accept defeat with dignity.

"Do you know why she could?"

Suddenly Kurama felt very small, something he hadn't experienced since he was a child, trapped within a body that did not feel like his, forced into relearning the basic functions of life. When Hiei came close to him it was almost too much to bear, the anger he felt mixing with the longing that would take another lifetime to die out. It was dizzying, and combined with his unremedied exhaustion he was slipping further and further from a place of control.

"You were too close, Kurama." The voice speaking stung his ears. "You were blind to my purposelessness. After ensuring Yukina's safety and the world you seem so fond of there was nothing left for me to do."

Kurama knew that mention of the bionic woman would come next, but it did not ease the pain that those words caused him. He was surprised at himself; it had always been his lovers who were the jealous type. Now he felt as if he understood them.

"Mukuro taught me otherwise. She showed me that there _was_ reason to live, reason beyond what I could see. I learned that I could still grow stronger, but that I don't have to. It took that fight to see that happiness was just as worthy a goal as any other."

He listened numbly as Hiei spoke the lessons that the fox had tried to teach him when they were together, the self-worth that was implied in its message, the calm confidence in what he wanted ringing through. He couldn't help the slight shake in his hands as the words penetrated him, the extent of his failure seeping into his bones.

"I thought we were happy. I was." He couldn't pinpoint when forming words had become a challenge, but the kitsune struggled to make his voice heard. "You were enough for me. I never knew, Hiei, that I wasn't enough for you."

That was more than sufficient; there could be nothing more either of them needed to say. The kitsune moved to turn away, but he found his path blocked and without warning hands were on him. It was pure reflex when he pushed back the first time, but the fire demon persisted, trying to force him to stay put, and Kurama lost any and all patience he had left.

He hit him, his fist connecting with the edge of the other's chin. The blow would have sent Hiei reeling if the kitsune had been at his best, but the raw physicality of it took the other by surprise enough for him to falter. His astonishment only lasted as long as it took for the redhead to turn from him again, and the hi youkai lunged, sending them both tumbling to the ground. They wrestled, the kitsune trying with everything he had to remove himself from the other's vicelike grasp. It was of little use: the few hours of hibernation had done Hiei more good than the bedrest had done Kurama, one of his many human flaws.

The kitsune submit once more, glaring up at the fire demon with eyes that looked just as ready to kill the other as they were to surrender to tears. Hiei stared back, holding his chin in place with a strong, warded hand, taking a last moment to study him before finally reaching his point.

"You were more than I deserve. Now I can live with that."

When Hiei leaned down to press a soft kiss on the lips below his, Kurama responded with a bite, but they both knew that it was not meant to hurt. It was an invitation, seeking the heat that had been missing from their lives since Hiei had left for Makai. There was nothing delicate about the way their tongues entwined, the way Kurama clawed at Hiei as if he needed skin under his nails to make sure that he was real, the way Hiei pushed into the leaner body below him as if trying to meld with him. They drank in each other, starved as they were, until there was a very immediate need to breathe. The separation was minute, their lips still touching, air mingling between them, eyes lidded near closed. One of Hiei's hands had found its way into the mess of Kurama's hair, stroking absentmindedly. The kitsune's arms were woven around his back, hands clutching roughly at the fabric of his cloak. In that moment, everything was as they remembered.

It was Kurama who broke the mantra of heavy pants as Hiei moved in to brush their lips together again, the shaking of his breath speaking a question that both of them knew he would not voice, if only for his pride. _You aren't leaving me?_

 _Did you really believe that I would?_ he wanted to ask, but the answer was far too obvious for the question to need stating.

"I couldn't leave you any more than I could leave a part of myself behind."

The phrase was punctuated by another kiss, this one infinitely softer, the fire demon trying to convey his revelation in every movement against the other. When Kurama finally pulled away, it was only to place his lips tenderly against the red spot on the other's chin, aggravated from his earlier assault. Hiei frowned, more at the memory than the pressure, but was happy to use the angle to bury his head in the other's neck.

The moment lasted for as long as they could sustain it, only moving once the time for Yusuke's fight was too near to ignore. They walked back to the spectator's area together, arguing quietly about whether or not Hiei had been playing mind games, only for it to be pointed out that he must have learned them from the fox.

When the fight began they stood side by side, arms touching, the heat from each of their bodies serving as comfort when it seemed like the detective would fall. When he did, it was to Kurama's surprise that his fear was gone, replaced with a contentment that he would have never imagined at the sight of his former ally's victory.

Whatever the future, circumstances be damned, he would have Hiei by his side.

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Thanks for reading, and nice reviews are always welcome!


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